Journal-A 12 Year Old’s Valentine Debacle

March 1, 1980

Dear Journal,

I hope that this year I will meet someone famous. I have seen some famous people, but I didn’t meet one. I also hope that I can set a school record for something. I don’t know what yet. I will keep thinking about it. I think I would like to be on TV someday. When I am in a play I am not afraid and shy. I think maybe I would be like that on TV. Famous people get to go to cool places. I want to go to cool places too. 

So I didn’t tell you this last month. I forgot about writing about it, but I got 26 Valentines and I sent out 48 Valentines. I wonder if anyone gets as many as they send out? My favorite valentine was from Ben D. I pasted it in a secret place here in my journal so I wont lose it. (Even though his Mom probably made him give one to me.) I did send him a secret valentine, and a regular one to throw him off the track. Someone sent me a secret Valentine at school. I have no idea who it is!

Sometimes my Mom or Dad buys me store-bought Valentines cards. Sometimes I make them myself. Most of the time I make them, and this year I made them.

I folded red paper in half to make a heart shape. Carefully I cut out a heart for each person. That was a lot of work! Then I glued some glitter on each one and a little ribbon. On the back I wrote to and from. If they are a good friend, then I write something nice. If they are cute or nice, then I tell them that. I like when people tell me I am cute or nice. Some people I don’t really know, so I just write, “Have a Happy Valentine’s Day!” Is that lame? But if I had store-bought ones, then I would have to pick which card fit which person. That can be hard. So I like the ones that people write a real message on.

My secret Valentine said, “Cynthia, You are nice. You are pretty. I like you. I love you. Love, Your Secret Valentine” That made me happy, even if it is from a goofy guy. Even Goofy kids get crushes on other kids.

Love,

Cynthia

Hindsight:

I think I was pretty clear in how I felt. Like all kids, I wanted reassurance that I was liked, and accepted by the other kids. I really did want to have store-bought Valentines because that is what most of the other kids had. However, I tried to be creative and make the best of the situation-literally. I remember kids counting their Valentines, and some had more than I did. I was secretly jealous. There was usually someone who didn’t receive as many as I did, so I felt a bit better about that. The previous year, we were told that we had to give everyone in the class one.

I remember scratching in “Just Kidding” after the message that came with a card, because it was to a boy who I did not like and didn’t want to give one to. He laughed, and thought I was funny. Then I liked him better. Of course guilt soon followed and I wondered why I hadn’t liked him in the first place. Sadly, this was all too common at this age. His name was Richard Smith, and I can still see his face.

A Parent’s Perspective:

We all want to make everything fair and equal for our kids. We want them to have the “store-bought” Valentines to give to their friends so that they won’t be seen as different, or weird or even “poor”. I remember thinking that people might think I was poor because I had handmade Valentine’s Day cards. Maybe we were too poor for five kids to have store-bought Valentines. Guess what? It didn’t hurt me. Sure I wished for the cute Strawberry Shortcake or other popular character ones, but making them made me use my creativity. Making them allowed me the time to really think about each of my classmates and ponder what I should write. Being pushed out of my comfort zone was good for me!

Creating each Valentine also gave me more confidence as I went, learning new skills and pushing past the embarrassment of not having, or not being ‘enough’.

What was the alternative? There really wasn’t one. We lived 35 miles from town. I couldn’t ask my Mom to zip over to the Five and Dime and grab me a box. It was either make my own again, or pretend to be sick, and miss out entirely on the positive aspects of the day, and the party which I had looked forward to for so long. That wasn’t an option, the party was too important for my 12 year old self to miss, plus thankfully I had a few scruples and faking being sick was below my moral code.

Sweetie, it’s okay if your cards are hand-made. You should feel proud of what you created!

I want to tell my 12 year old self, “These types of experiences are gong to make you skilled at creating amazing ‘somethings’ from nothing! Your imagination is going to get you into jobs and opportunities that others wont because you have foresight and can think ahead. You are going to be a strong woman, and leave the doubters behind. Your imagination is going to serve you well your entire life. Your ability to overcome these types of obstacles will make you admired by others because of your skill set. So don’t be hard on yourself. Love yourself, and love those hand-made Valentine cards.”

By my Mom not purchasing those amazing “store -bought” Valentine’s, I felt both pride and embarrassment each time, because mine were different. That was okay. I not only survived, but I flourished. I found out that I could make them, and use my imagination. Yes, days like this I came home feeling a little sad because I didn’t get the most Valentines. But life is like that. Sometimes we aren’t the greatest, the smartest or the brightest in the room. We aren’t always the most popular either. If we are allowed to struggle, we will grow and be strengthened. If we aren’t saved by the magic of the store-bought cards, we are able to stretch just a bit more.

It won’t kill them to give out ugly cards, or cards that are different!

Mom or Dad of a 12 year old: let them feel the pain and embarrassment of the Valentine’s Day Adventure & Debacle. Allow them the pressure to succeed or to fail, and to create. Because by not rushing in to rescue them, and by allowing them the opportunity to fail, or to ‘sink or swim’ you also allow them the opportunity to grow and succeed. It is better for them to learn from their mistakes or challenges at a young age than to flounder later in life. Sure they will feel the sting if they aren’t all that they wanted to be, but you do them a disservice if you always make everything okay. You wont always be there to fix everything for them the rest of their lives.

Give them the tools, or in this case craft supplies, to succeed on their own, and to have pride in their accomplishments, especially if they were hard fought to obtain.