Family Consistency

Having a Schedule is Important for Kids, Princes and Princesses

Having a schedule is important for kids. Like Poor Mother Hubbard, I have a lot of children. In fact, I have five children, and three still live at home. I have to be consistent, to keep our schedules going for everyone to participate in the family dynamic. This makes for less contention. My two youngest need consistency for their special needs, so they don’t get upset and fall apart when the unexpected happens.

My kiddos have chores. It sounds sexist, but the girls mostly do inside chores, and the boys mostly do outside chores and tending to the animals. My sons and daughters, after age 14 also do their own laundry. I start teaching them to sort when they are two. They like to sort colors at two!  I have colored laundry room bins to match the sorting. At ten they start with supervised adding of the soap, etc., so by 14 they know how to do it solo. I think that Cinderella’s Mama must have taught her how to do all of those chores she did. Someone had to! My kids all help with unloading the dishwasher. Cinderella would have probably given up her eye teeth for a dishwasher!

Chores: For every job that must be done, there is an element of fun….

My oldest at home is 24, so parenting him is different. I have him help me with projects around the house, which is an enchanted cottage of course, and our 5 acres, and that takes a bit of the load off of dad. He works every day or goes to college, so he helps out a lot on Saturdays. When my two younger girls were 15 & 17 this is what we did that worked for us: Rotate chores every two weeks. One has “Baths”, and the other has “Floors.” We have three bathrooms, so that is self-explanatory, and includes the laundry room. “Floors” is sweeping, vacuuming, dusting and polishing different areas and rooms, including the halls, dungeon and game room. We live in the country, so floors are done daily. The girls may complain that they have more chores than Cinderella, but really they don’t.

Music makes the work go faster

I know that sounds cliche`, but it does work! I saw a meme once that said, “Real Families don’t break out into singing Disney songs in Real Life.” This person has obviously never been in my home, or any of my sister’s homes. Play some catchy music, or sing some songs. Either way, even Grisella and Anastasia get their work done, and they stop watching the clock.

The girls trade dishes every other night and the nights are the same each week: Ellie always has Monday, Wednesday and every other Friday, 2^nd and 4^th Saturdays and Sundays. That leaves Chellie with Tuesdays, Thursdays and 1^st and 3^rd Saturdays and Sundays. 5th Sundays we all do it together. Whew! Chellie also takes care of the chickens, and makes sure none of them wants to run away. Everyone-even dad- helps to clear the table and put away food at every meal until it is completed. I have a list of expectations and how to clean each room posted in the rooms they clean, so no one gets to say, “ I didn’t know I was supposed to….” This doesn’t mean that they always whistle while they work, but it does help to have a schedule to stick with!

Plans Change

What worked for us when the kids were little did not work when they were older. We used a rotating spinning wheel for chores when they were little. A “Big Kid” had a “Little Kid” to help them with their chores until they were old enough to go solo. You can think of simple tasks for little ones to do in any room of the house or yard. When they are little, they like to help. Get them started when they are small and the teen years of chores will go much smoother for you! Now that Ellie is out of her tower, I switch chores with Chellie and that is not always a perfect rotation, but it is what works Now. Kids do better with consistency, but you have to adapt as the family dynamic changes; they grow and mature.

Lists and Family Posts

A general list of responsibilities for Floors or Baths, and for Lane’s personal chores is hung in the kitchen with daily chores posted. The inside of kitchen cupboards is a great place to put chore lists, sports schedules, potion recipes, etc… I even attached a metal bar that I could then hang things on with magnets! I made these chore lists on the computer, so they are colorful and easy to read. That’s really for dad, so they don’t take advantage of him when mom isn’t home. “I don’t know what my chores are!” or “It’s her turn to do the dishes!”  (Why do kids do that?) They get paid allowance (or are given gas money, respectively) every 2 weeks based on their chore performance for the weeks, their rooms, and their attitudes. Yes, I have to keep track of how they are doing, but I  just jot a note in my planner for that.

A Family Calendar

Having a schedule is important for kids, Princes and Princesses. Every Monday evening we have Family Night where we study scriptures, play games or watch movies or TV shows together. Each week it varies. What doesn’t vary is using this time for family planning and the family calendar. With seven schedules, plus the ‘whole family’ schedule, things get very busy and appointments can be forgotten in the noise of life. It is rather like the Seven Dwarfs all having different schedules! It helps to keep us organized.

I buy a large grid calendar every year. Each of us has a designated pen color. We put on the calendar what our schedules are. Everyone can see at a glance what a particular family member has going on that day or week. I try to put game schedules on as soon as I get them. Also Music concerts, Jousting tournaments, Balls, Galas and other school events.

It is good for kids who have a hard time being alone, even at 18 and 19, to know where Mom is by looking at the calendar too. My two youngest look at the calendar to see what is written in red, which is my color, before they freak out when I am not home when they get home from school. They may even send me a text, “When are you coming home from Snow White’s Tea?” It isn’t a panic mode, but just inquiring.

Dad puts his work trips and dragon hunting exhibitions on there too. His color is dark green. The markers hang on a large ring, and are not allowed to be used for other projects, or writing on each other. They hang on a hook below the calendar. I still use my Google calendar, and a planner for personal use but this is great for at-a-glance scheduling for everyone.

Cleaning the Bathrooms: Being grateful that you do not have an outhouse, or chamber pots!

In the bathrooms, I have the list of How to Clean the Bathroom (in shining, shimmering splendor!) chore list hung on the wall in a clear sheet protector. I have taped a metal jar insert to the back of one corner to make it magnetic. My kids are all visual learners, so they really like to cross things off. I hang a magic magnetic dry erase marker on the chore sheet and they cross off the items as they do them. This helps so that I don’t have to come in and be a nag about what they are forgetting. The list may seem long, but that is because it is detailed in the order that I think is best for cleaning the bathroom. I also have prompts on there for changing out the towels, gathering the laundry in the bathroom hampers, tossing out any toads, and finding the gross wash cloths in the shower.

If you are worried about marker smear on your walls, use the inside of a cabinet door. None of this would be instinctive to my kids with Asperger’s Syndrome. However, they are totally capable! I have friends who require nothing of their special needs kids, or want to wait until they are older. I predict that will back fire on them on day.

Kid Bedroom Chaos

Bedrooms: I am okay with some mess. I have to be or else I would drive myself batty trying to clean up after two teen tornadoes. But if I cannot see the floor, then that is a problem to me. When we do laundry, we fold it into baskets. If there are baskets of clothes waiting to be put away I don’t freak out. Once they start digging into their baskets and making a mess? Well, then they are asked to put their clothes away, or it is “Off with their Heads!” Not really, but I do get upset with re-washing clean clothes. I also use baskets because I learned early on with my kids that piles of clothes on the beds ended up as piles of clean clothes on the floor! A laundry basket keeps them contained.

A Family Meal Schedule

We eat together every day, about the same time. Our time is later than some families because we wait for Daddy to get home and join us for dinner. I believe that eating meals together is important. I also believe in simplifying where possible and my meals are not elaborate on week days. We do not currently have any dancing dishes or singing candelabras. There are also days when we eat on paper plates. Years ago I would not have believed you if you told me that I would be using them! It does cut down on dishes, which cuts down on whining. We buy the super packs from the Big Box membership store.

We use napkins at every meal and every meal is a chance to reinforce table manners. Maybe if you ate with us you would wonder about that part. Remember: some children with Asperger’s also have memory and processing challenges. For my two youngest this is the case. Social cues are foreign to them. We have to teach and re-teach the same thing until it gets into their long-term memory. Only then will they remember to do something, and make it a habit. In this case it may be as simple as using the napkin on their lap, and not their sleeves, or collars, to wipe their mouths. I’m not talking about little kids here. Do you remember Fiona? She could be a very messy troll, when in reality she was a Princess! Yes, it is like that. The struggle goes on!

Bedtimes

Bedtimes and nap-times, and nap-times and bedtimes. These are two of my favorite things!

Having a schedule is important for kids. We go to bed on time, with very little variance. My kids need this consistency. Although not Van Winkles, they also seem to need more sleep than a lot of their friends. They start getting ready for bed around 7:30 pm. By 8:30 we are in pajamas, teeth are brushed, medications are taken, scriptures are read, and family prayer has been said. They go to bed then and are asleep before 9 pm. If they aren’t asleep by then, I make sure there are no peas under the mattress. When I know they’ve had lose teeth, I also check for baggies containing teeth, so that I can alert the Tooth Fairy.

If I were to rush these kids and tell them to get ready for bed at 8 pm, we might still be okay. It would depend. If I waited until 8:30, then there would be arguing, complaining, whining, and gnashing of teeth. Probably mine. I know it doesn’t sound logical, but believe me, they go to bed easier when it is earlier. Some people turn into mice or lizards when it gets too late. I turn into a cranky Mama Monster.

Bedtime Routines and Tots

For my kiddos when they were toddlers, this was much the same, except we added stories and of course helped with their prayers. For each child there was a time that they wanted Mom or Dad or Fairy Godmother to stay and snuggle with them. This is where I used the timer, and told them that I could only stay until it went off. I would usually set it for 20 minutes. If they fell asleep by then, great! If not, then they were upset at the timer and not at me. I am okay with that. Not all of us have magic wands.

Supporting One Another

We have always tried to support our kids (and one another) in their pursuits: Tennis, Archery, Princess Primping, Water polo, Soccer, Band, Choir, Boy Scouts, Formal Dance Lessons, Girl Scouts, Piano lessons, Baseball, Tennis, Jousting, Track, Community Theater rehearsals, Chess Club, etc… whew! So we have spent many Saturdays at soccer games, and at times there were three kids who were on different teams. I know soccer moms out there who relate. We have also spent hours at water polo games, choir concerts, and drama productions (even Drama 1, which can be particularly painful to sit through).

Kids, even Princes and Princesses need to be involved in things. It helps them socially and helps to keep them from being glued to their media devices. Being a part of a team or group is essential to their feeling of belonging, partnership, and keeping out of trouble. If you don’t keep them busy, your girls can end up kissing a lot of frogs! I think belonging to a team makes them more well-rounded too.  We generally don’t let our kids do more than three things at a time though. So if they are taking piano lessons, in Drama and on the track team that semester, then Chess Club will have to wait. I do make an exception for Music. They can be in Choir and Band at the same time. Our local Music concerts are combined for both.

Summing it Up

Every member of this family has a role in this family…

I don’t have a perfect life, but my kids know what is expected and what the consequences are. There are very few surprises. They know the chore schedules, and pretty much follow them, or else they have consequences of no spending money, no dessert, no magic carpets, and no screen time. (Any object with a screen: TV, Computer, Games, an iPod, etc…) None of this came naturally to me, as my own childhood was chaotic, but with effort, you can make a schedule and figure out what rewards, consequences or even bribes work with your family dynamic.

Good Luck!

~Cynthia